This film needs no introduction. If nothing else, everyone knows about its famous orgasm scene. It also launched the career of Meg Ryan who would unfortunately then be forever typecast as the love interest in many similar rom-com movies. I’ve never watched it however as I was only thirteen years old when it was released and I suspect that most guys would watch it only if it were with a girlfriend. So when my wife wanted to add this to our list I was okay with watching it. After all, no one can deny the cultural influence it has had.

Harry Burns and Sally Albright first meet as friends of a friend when they are both new graduates of the University of Chicago travelling together to start their respective careers in New York. They share the famous conversation about whether men or women can ever be platonic friends and part on unfriendly terms. Over the next ten years, they happen to run into each other twice more. In that time, Sally embarks on a steady relationship with a man named Joe who eventually breaks up with her because he isn’t ready for marriage. Harry marries, to Sally’s surprise, to a woman named Helen who later divorces him. After the second meeting, with each of them grappling with their respective heartaches, they decide to become friends, spending lots of time with each other and probably even more time on late-night telephone conversations. Eventually the inevitable happens and they end up having sex. Given the genre of this film, there’s not much of a question over whether they become lovers or somehow find a way to remain friends.

When Harry Met Sally… starts out on a sour note for me as a stereotypical encounter between a good girl and a bad boy. But I should have trusted director Rob Reiner to have a defter hand than to stay on that note especially since Stand By Me was one of my favorite ever films when I was younger. Both characters change as they age and the nature of their relationship changes along with it. Harry shows that he has a vulnerable side that is at odds with his initial brash, bad-boy persona while Sally becomes more concerned that her biological clock is ticking. It helps that Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan have decent chemistry together and most of all Nora Ephron’s dialogue gives the film plenty of energy and life. Apparently the interludes that pepper the film were based on interviews of real-life people who worked for the production company at the time. Though they refilmed with actors, these interviews were mined for real-life anecdotes and interesting lines of dialogue to help make the script more realistic.

As pleasant to watch as it is, this still a lightweight, feel-good film and I think it’s more interesting to examine why that is rather than dwell on the familiar positives. One way you tell is by noticing how one dimensional it is. Every single conversation is about the characters’ love lives. Whenever Sally meets with her friend Marie, played by Carrie Fisher, the only thing they ever talk about are men. This film is practically a textbook example of why the Bechdel Test is important. In the meantime, they graduate from college, move to a new city, get started on their careers, perhaps change jobs as time passes and slowly grow old, and throughout all this they still over ever talk about their romantic relationships. They seem to never have financial worries, lose their jobs or have health problems. Contrary to real life, the only consideration in their choice of romantic partners is love and emotional compatibility. Family considerations and financial support never come into it. Plus, as usual, this is a portrait only of white, privileged Americans interacting with other white, privileged Americans. This is why romantic comedies are genre films and not dramas that are worth taking seriously.

Reading up on it, I discovered that both Ephron and Reiner felt that the realistic ending would be if Harry and Sally both admitted that having sex was a mistake and found a way to remain friends. Of course, they also realized that this would make for a pretty horrible romantic comedy. I think it’s in that spirit that we should judge When Harry Met Sally.. It’s great entertainment, has decent performances and it’s cleverly written enough to be a cultural landmark. I was surprised to learn that the term “high maintenance girl” also originated here. But it’s also a good demonstration of why someone like Rob Reiner is a competent and popular director but not a great one.